New Year resolutions are fascinating. Vast amounts of people awake from the slumber of just getting by and seek to take control. This says much about the optimism of our species. I think it is an attractive quality.
By this time most people have already failed at their New Year’s resolution, if they even bothered to make one. This should not matter. It is simply a case of resolving afresh until the resolution becomes effective. Quitting cigarettes is a good example. There is a quote attributed to Mark Twain which I particularly like; “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.”
I find it interesting to look at moments in our lives that on reflection appear as pivot points. If we had turned left rather than right we might not have met the person that we fell in love with. Or we could have avoided the oncoming car that shattered our existence. Personally I feel that things do not happen for a reason. They just happen, and to expect karmic laws or faith to mete out justice may be negation of personal responsibility. This is just my view and I respect those who see things differently.
Decisions however, influence our future. Sometimes these choices are conscious but I suspect that we often fool ourselves to believing that we are heading down our elected path with clear eyes when in fact we are merely buffeted by emotion, prejudice and circumstance. We can get away with a lot and we can also suffer despite doing the right thing.
I started training in Wing Chun in 1984. I had just split with my girlfriend and the band I was playing in. With time on my hands I was persuaded to go along to a class by a friend. My only interest at that time was music. Attending the class was meant to fill in some spare time. However it turned out that I would end up spending countless hours obsessed with this time-filler. It became my obsession and my profession. Attending that first class was a sliding door moment for me. However I had no sense of the importance of that decision.
Another moment later that year was also pivotal yet different in that I sensed its importance. I made a resolution that mattered.
About six months into my Wing Chun training I had become hooked and was training every day. My routine was to walk from work to the school to train an hour or two before heading home. On this evening I was feeling pretty tired and thought that maybe I would give training a miss, so about 10 minutes from the school I turned and headed home for a change. I felt that that I had earned a break and missing one day’s training was not the end of the world. Another hundred metres along the way I felt suddenly uneasy.
A thought had bubbled up. After several months of training every day this would be my first deviation. Making this decision would pave the way for more times in the future where my immediate comfort would take precedence to my long term plan. I felt like a smoker relapsing. A sadness welled up inside. This would be the day that I returned to my old self – the non-Kung Fu guy. I liked the new me better. I had been proud of my adherence to training. Heading home now was walking away from my new life. Each moment of capitulation would make the next one more likely.
Thirty-five years later this moment is clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I remember the exact spot on a footpath in Surry Hills, Sydney where for a second time on that day I spun on my heel; but in this instance I was turning my back on the old me and heading to the school and training.
I train every day still and I often think that of that moment. It seems important. My New Year’s resolution this time around is to do one hour of standing meditation first thing in the morning, every morning. As I teach Wing Chun for at least forty-five hours per week already, this might seem like over-kill, but already I can feel the benefits. My body is more comfortable, relaxed and responsive throughout the day and my mood has improved considerably. So far I have kept to my resolution. My plan is to make this routine a part of my life and should I fail, like Mark Twain, – I will start again.
~ Mark Spence